


Alec plays himself

by Gilli_ann



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Merlin (TV), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Did I mention that this is crack?, Evil Plans, F/M, Implied het content, Janus - Freeform, M/M, Magic, Parody, Reylo - Freeform, Shapeshifting, fanboy Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilli_ann/pseuds/Gilli_ann
Summary: Dark!Reylo fan Alec Trevelyan should not have been plotting harm to Q and 007. They have a powerful magical admirer and two cats on their side.





	Alec plays himself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gwyllion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwyllion/gifts).



> Disclaimer: The various characters are the property of the creators of their respective films/TV shows. I intend no copyright infringement.
> 
> This was written inspired by Gwyllion's extremely cracky prompt: An Alec Trevelyan fanfic tagged with "reylo," "star wars," "het," and written as a "merlin" crossover. I couldn't resist that challenge!

It was a dark and stormy evening.

Not that Alec Trevelyan would be able to tell, ensconched as he was in the depths of Janus' most secure facility. The room was deep underground in the heavily guarded compound, had the very latest in top-notch security equipment, and the floor, ceiling and walls were made with reinforced concrete. Not even the tiniest mouse had any hope of getting in, much less getting in undetected.

Alec's hand hovered over a keyboard as his eyes darted back and forth between several large bright screens. He was in a foul mood. 

Janus had hatched a plan to get at James bloody Bond, that blasted nuisance, through his current quartermaster. Alec had his ears to the ground when it came to MI6 gossip, and it was an open secret that 007 had a huge crush on Q. Possibly he harboured even deeper and more lasting feelings. That made Bond vulnerable. Alec wanted nothing more than to see Bond squirm in agony, unable to save Q from a horrible fate. 

But then that infuriating Q was proving too smart, and was impossible to get at! He had protected himself and his systems so well, Janus had been making no progress. 

Watching the endless shimmering data of all the failed hacking attempts and botched location traces as they scrolled across the screens in front of him, Alec cursed. He needed a drink. Or two. Or... something else to lift his mood. 

He needed a dash of Dark!Reylo. That was his secret vice. He'd never been a Star Wars fan in his formative years, but then the sequel movies happened. Alec thought Kylo Ren was a great character. Enigmatic, powerful, physically strong, good hair, prone to violent rage, didn't mind committing a massacre or a spot of patricide.... Perfect.

Sure, there had been a few moments when Alec had nearly given up on Kylo. He'd seemed like a weak love-struck fool in some scenes. But fortunately, he had very soon redeemed himself. Killed his all-powerful boss, and killed all those bodyguards - Alec liked to think of them as the galactic equivalent of the double-ohs. Good show! Now Kylo was the supreme leader of the galaxy. Alec couldn't have wished for a better job himself. Clearly, Kylo was someone worth emulating.

Better yet, Alec had discovered fanfic and fanart. A lot of fools made all these amazing works for free! If you knew where to look and which tags to browse, you'd get just the sort of Dark!Reylo a villain mastermind like himself craved. It was Alec's guilty pleasure. 

The stories he enjoyed would either contain explicit torture, rape, humiliation, and eventual death, or (even better) the girl Rey would turn to the dark side, don more suitably revealing clothes, get extensions and a boob job, and join Kylo in his merciless domination of the galaxy. Alec liked those fics the best. Proper het sex, not all that icky gay stuff that 007 had going on in his life. Kylo, like Alec, deserved a worthy, super-hot and feisty empress.

Tired of the futile hunt for Q, Alec hit a few keys, and his main screen exploded with the most recent Reylo fanart. He leaned back, making himself comfortable, taking it in, searching for the sort of works he wanted, feeling more relaxed already. 

There was no saying how long he remained lost in the galaxy far, far away, nor how late it was in the night, when he sensed something changing in his underground fortress. There was a slight draft of air, a presence making itself felt.... 

Alec looked up, turned around, blinked in surprise, and for all his training, he nearly fell out of his seat. There was a man standing right in front of him, a complete stranger, certainly not affiliated with Janus in any way. 

"Who are you? How did you get in?" 

Alec's eyes narrowed. It was impossible! Could this be a projection of some sort, a hologram? Or had he been poisoned, was he hallucinating? But no, the man seemed too solid, too real. 

"My name is Merlin," the stranger said, his voice even. "With my powers, I can enter everywhere, at any time."

Studying the intruder, Alec noted that he did not look all that different from Q. A mop of dark hair, a youthful and quite pleasing pale face, a rather scrawny body, and completely out-of-fashion attire. Q favoured threadbare cardigans, while this man (oh horror of horrors!) wore a frayed crimson neckerchief and an old tunic over his extremely baggy trousers.

"Merlin, eh?" Alec scoffed, looking for clues as he spoke. "I suppose you're going to tell me you're King Arthur's great magician reborn, or something like that?"

"No," the self-proclaimed Merlin responded calmly. "I am Arthur's Merlin. There's no rebirth involved. I am immortal."

"That's, uhm, interesting. How old are you, then?" 

Clearly the man was a lunatic. He might be dangerous. And it still was a mystery how he'd managed to enter the room. 

Alec evaluated his plan of attack. 'Merlin' stood between himself and the code-locked door. But Alec was strong, and this Merlin impersonator didn't look physically intimidating. Alec regretted not having installed a panic button that would have allowed him to alert the guards. He'd been so certain it would never be needed.

Well, there's no time like the present. He rushed forward, fists balled, ready to knock the maniac out. Only - suddenly he couldn't move! It was as if the air had turned solid.

"What the hell?" he spat, his heart rate picking up speed. "Release me!"

Merlin had raised his right hand, and held it out towards Alec in an almost lazy gesture. For a second, Alec was reminded of the Jedis' use of the Force. But that was mere imaginative Fantasy!

"I don't like you," Merlin told him. "I don't like your organization, and your evil plans. But I do like and admire Q, very much so. He's a technological wizard. He and I are two of a kind. I think I'll change the odds."

All of a sudden, Merlin's eyes glowed golden, and he muttered something incomprehensible. Alec would have been astounded, if it wasn't for the fact that more distressing events occurred at the same time. The room started expanding around him! The walls grew taller, the spaces larger, the height of his seat would accomodate someone freakishly huge, and Merlin himself looked like just the giant to use it.

Alec squeaked. _Squeaked_? He'd never made such a sound in his life. Embarrassingly, he sounded like a frightened mouse. The truth dawned on Alec as he looked down across himself. He had tiny pinkish feet, grey fur, and a very long tail. 

It wasn't everything else that had gotten larger. It was Alec that had shrunk. He'd turned into a mouse! He squeaked once more in pure horror.

Merlin studied him, grinning. "I hope you don't mind that I invited two friends along. Let me introduce you to Q's cats."

Alec froze. 

Merlin gestured. "This is Pampuria, and this is Turing. They love their master, so they're not too keen on you."

The fluffy white Pampuria regarded Alec with malevolent disdain. Turing, a tabby, hissed loudly, baring his teeth. Both cats lashed their tails.

Alec turned to flee. Instinctively, he ran as far as he could, racing across the floor and along a wall until a corner halted his panicked progress. 

The room was so secure that not a mouse could enter. That meant, of course, that no mouse could escape. He was trapped. He had sealed his own doom!

Frantically, he looked around, his small beady eyes searching for a hiding-hole, for anything to protect him from the silently advancing cats. But there was nothing. Nothing!

Pampuria pounced.


End file.
